I used to talk openly about God and my faith, all the time.
In a secular world, particularly in America, this is a big no. You quickly alienate people and receive judgement from others and become labeled as superstitious and ignorant. This is, of course, excluding others who believe as you do. Even then, if you're militant about it, the American pioneer mentality - pave your own way in life, and let others take care of their own - mostly rejects the open discussion of faith among others, including friends.
To me, God is love. This is the first and foremost aspect of Christianity that I follow. Some people take issue with that. Some people wonder how God could possibly be love in a world like this, and become angry or indignant. Some people want it to be true, but can't bring themselves to believe. Some people believe that love is the most important thing in the world, but refuse to give that label to God because of their views on organized religion. Some people can't bring themselves to believe in a higher power because of what we've learned as a society about the world and the way it works, and the laws that govern it. I am talking, of course, about science.
I realized that talking about God does not resonate with very many people, and in most cases, pushes them away. What I wanted to do was spread the "good word" - that love is the most important thing in life. To many, God is a label that is far from synonymous with love. It is a label that brings to mind crusades, corrupt church officials, bigotry, persecution, conflict, and, in the worst cases, death. Many people I know who once believed or wanted to believe in God have since married the word with negativity.
God has become a taboo word. Jesus Christ is a swear. Go ahead, say it in public - I dare you. "Jesus Christ!" *Gasp* "Watch your language!"
There's about two thousand years of history getting in the way and clouding the truth of one very basic thing: God and Love are one in the same.
So I decided to stop talking about God.
I decided to start talking about Love instead.
Love is such a universal concept that it's impossible not to revere it. It's all powerful, all consuming, brilliant, warm, inviting, and worth fighting and dying for. Anyone who has ever loved someone can attest to this. There are things in this world that take the concept of love from us. Anyone who has ever experienced suffering - persecution, loneliness, failure, death - knows how important the need for love to fill a person's life is. Without it, life ceases to be life. It becomes painful, empty, and meaningless. Even people who have never known what it is like to love someone else can most likely admit to the fact that they have wanted to - dearly and desperately. Love is what we are designed for, what we live for, what we constantly seek and desire to cultivate amongst ourselves and others.
Love is life. Life is love.
It's the only thing worth existing for.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Did He Really Just Say That
One of the most awkward feelings in the world is having a joke fall flat.
It's even worse if you think you're on a roll.
Joke #1: Laughter
Joke #2: More laughter
Joke #3:
Dave Chappelle optional.
When you use humor, you're really putting yourself out there. Some people get it, some people don't. Sometimes you're genuinely not funny at all. It happens. It's a lot like telling a personal story, or talking about your feelings, or even expressing your political or religious views in public. It really exposes your heart. It gets down to the core of who you are. And if that doesn't resonate with people, you know almost right away.
So, there's two options, knowing that you will inevitably fail:
Option #1: Clam up, don't speak unless you are in a comfortable environment.
Option #2: Put yourself out there anyway, despite your inevitable failure.
One of these options is for cowards. The other is harder to choose, but definitely the better of the two. If you hit the right note with someone, it's one of the best feelings in the world. Absolutely worth risking an awkward moment or two. Or six.
It's even worse if you think you're on a roll.
Joke #1: Laughter
Joke #2: More laughter
Joke #3:
Dave Chappelle optional.
When you use humor, you're really putting yourself out there. Some people get it, some people don't. Sometimes you're genuinely not funny at all. It happens. It's a lot like telling a personal story, or talking about your feelings, or even expressing your political or religious views in public. It really exposes your heart. It gets down to the core of who you are. And if that doesn't resonate with people, you know almost right away.
So, there's two options, knowing that you will inevitably fail:
Option #1: Clam up, don't speak unless you are in a comfortable environment.
Option #2: Put yourself out there anyway, despite your inevitable failure.
One of these options is for cowards. The other is harder to choose, but definitely the better of the two. If you hit the right note with someone, it's one of the best feelings in the world. Absolutely worth risking an awkward moment or two. Or six.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Shell and Soul
I've always found the difference in the way people treat you depending on your status and appearance to be one of the most jarring experiences life has to throw at you.
When you are a child, people treat you gently. People are willing to protect you. People will comfort you if you are sad, and many things that you do are considered cute or quirky. When you are a teenager, people expect you to have a certain level of autonomy, but overall, not much is expected of you. You're expected to screw up. You're expected to have fun. When you are a college student, people treat you very well. People tend to give college students a lot of leeway and freedom when it comes to how they act. I recall two instances - in college - where I screwed up big time and was instantly forgiven because of my status. I had just gotten my driver's license, and the GPS was acting up. It asked me to go left at the last second, almost right as I passed my exit, and I freaked out... and went left, crashing right into the side of another car. As the other driver got out of their car, they looked very angry. They saw me, and their anger subsided a bit. "I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed. They looked a bit confused. We talked about the crash for a bit. "So, where do you go to school?" She eventually asked me. The conversation ended on a good note and nobody had to pay for each other's damages.
Thanks for getting me out of that one, youth! That was totally avoidable and entirely my fault.
Second was when I was working at a gas station. This one was really weird. I was talking to my manager about my bad (read: lazy) performance. He was fuming. I told him I might have to quit soon anyway, to go back to school. Instantly, his face stopped contorting and he said, almost surprised, "oh, you go to school?" And he treated me nicely for the rest of the conversation.
I mean, I'll take it. But he had reason to be angry. I did not care at all about my job performance.
Later, I'd be at a doctor's appointment. I was still working a dead end job, but I was no longer in school. My knees were acting up - I guess I had to kneel a lot stocking shelves. He treated me like shit. He made snarky comments about how people in "my kind of occupation" frequently don't take care of their knees. He used a tone of voice that clearly indicated his judgement of my position in life. It was very unpleasant. Another less unpleasant but equally strange experience was when I went into a police station to file a report on stolen money (there's another story behind this). I was wearing my vest from work. Very first thing he asked me, "Are you here to represent *grocery store?*" What the heck? No. No, no I am not. Would he have asked that if I still looked like a teenager? Probably not!
When you're an adult, you become publicly tied to your occupation, whether you feel a connection to it or not. You're expected to be fully responsible. Things that are your fault are much less likely to be forgiven. Your grace period is over. If you show up late for work, you're going to hear about it. And let me tell you, transitioning from the golden throne of a student to the ordinary working adult is a rough transition. No more leeway. No more forgiveness. Of course, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Being treated certain ways at certain times in your life helps you grow. Having more expected of you as you become older helps you hold yourself to a higher standard.
What's bizarre is that, internally, you feel the same, no matter what your age or occupation is. What other people see is very different from what you feel. Other people's perception of "you" depends largely on the shell presented to them, completely ignorant of the soul inside. And I'll be damned if being treated well doesn't feel right, and being treated with apprehension and expectation doesn't feel foreign.
It takes a lot to realize that your external appearance isn't "you." My very best friends have defective shells. One has cerebral palsy. The other is albino, and legally blind. Another is confined to a wheelchair. These people are always willing to look at the soul before the shell. People who have had an external appearance that has disagreed with them from the beginning are actually at a huge advantage. They realize very early on that the soul and the shell are two separate things, and which one is more important.
Just some food for thought.
When you are a child, people treat you gently. People are willing to protect you. People will comfort you if you are sad, and many things that you do are considered cute or quirky. When you are a teenager, people expect you to have a certain level of autonomy, but overall, not much is expected of you. You're expected to screw up. You're expected to have fun. When you are a college student, people treat you very well. People tend to give college students a lot of leeway and freedom when it comes to how they act. I recall two instances - in college - where I screwed up big time and was instantly forgiven because of my status. I had just gotten my driver's license, and the GPS was acting up. It asked me to go left at the last second, almost right as I passed my exit, and I freaked out... and went left, crashing right into the side of another car. As the other driver got out of their car, they looked very angry. They saw me, and their anger subsided a bit. "I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed. They looked a bit confused. We talked about the crash for a bit. "So, where do you go to school?" She eventually asked me. The conversation ended on a good note and nobody had to pay for each other's damages.
Thanks for getting me out of that one, youth! That was totally avoidable and entirely my fault.
Second was when I was working at a gas station. This one was really weird. I was talking to my manager about my bad (read: lazy) performance. He was fuming. I told him I might have to quit soon anyway, to go back to school. Instantly, his face stopped contorting and he said, almost surprised, "oh, you go to school?" And he treated me nicely for the rest of the conversation.
I mean, I'll take it. But he had reason to be angry. I did not care at all about my job performance.
Later, I'd be at a doctor's appointment. I was still working a dead end job, but I was no longer in school. My knees were acting up - I guess I had to kneel a lot stocking shelves. He treated me like shit. He made snarky comments about how people in "my kind of occupation" frequently don't take care of their knees. He used a tone of voice that clearly indicated his judgement of my position in life. It was very unpleasant. Another less unpleasant but equally strange experience was when I went into a police station to file a report on stolen money (there's another story behind this). I was wearing my vest from work. Very first thing he asked me, "Are you here to represent *grocery store?*" What the heck? No. No, no I am not. Would he have asked that if I still looked like a teenager? Probably not!
When you're an adult, you become publicly tied to your occupation, whether you feel a connection to it or not. You're expected to be fully responsible. Things that are your fault are much less likely to be forgiven. Your grace period is over. If you show up late for work, you're going to hear about it. And let me tell you, transitioning from the golden throne of a student to the ordinary working adult is a rough transition. No more leeway. No more forgiveness. Of course, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Being treated certain ways at certain times in your life helps you grow. Having more expected of you as you become older helps you hold yourself to a higher standard.
What's bizarre is that, internally, you feel the same, no matter what your age or occupation is. What other people see is very different from what you feel. Other people's perception of "you" depends largely on the shell presented to them, completely ignorant of the soul inside. And I'll be damned if being treated well doesn't feel right, and being treated with apprehension and expectation doesn't feel foreign.
It takes a lot to realize that your external appearance isn't "you." My very best friends have defective shells. One has cerebral palsy. The other is albino, and legally blind. Another is confined to a wheelchair. These people are always willing to look at the soul before the shell. People who have had an external appearance that has disagreed with them from the beginning are actually at a huge advantage. They realize very early on that the soul and the shell are two separate things, and which one is more important.
Just some food for thought.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Heart of the Storm
There's something about the misconceived villain that's fascinating.
Moriya (Last Blade) is a samurai who trained with his best friend, Kaede. When his master is murdered, Kaede returns to find Moriya standing over his lifeless corpse. Realizing that he's been framed, Moriya leaves without a word, allowing his lifelong friend to think that he's a murderer. He dedicates the rest of his life to finding the real killer, and avoiding confrontation with Kaede. Rather than defend himself, he took the fall to avoid conflict, and was fully willing to let himself be seen as a monster.
Itachi (Naruto) is seen as a villain for most of the series. He killed his entire clan, and his brother, Sasuke - the sole survivor - has dedicated his life to taking revenge. There's a flashback sequence where it shows Itachi murdering his clan, and his family. He tells Sasuke to hate him before leaving. He then joins a criminal organization. It's hard to take it any other way. However, we find out later in the series that his father, the head of the clan, was planning a Coup D'etat, and it would have likely ended up in many casualties on both sides. Rather than risk an all out war, Itachi sided with his village rather his clan, and undertook a secret mission to wipe out the clan during the night, while they slept. He was unable to kill his brother, who he loved, so he asked him to hate him - partially because of guilt, and partially to help Sasuke deal with what he had done. The reason he joined the organization is to keep tabs on them. He never defends himself, and we discover that he went to extreme lengths to hide the truth from everyone. Most of the world sees him as a monster, and he is described by the author as living in "Hell."
Both characters eventually reconcile with their loved ones, but there's something about the way that they so willingly jump into darkness, without showing even a hint of a desire to defend themselves, that is much more noble than any story of heroism or valor. The truest hero doesn't do it for the reward, or for themselves, but to protect others or a higher cause. Being seen as a villain was a side effect of how these people chose to follow goodness. Even while in darkness, both characters upheld their virtue.
The Last Blade and Naruto are a video game and a comic book, respectively. Hardly high brow fiction. Yet, both of these characters represent something admirable that can be translated over into life. If you are going to do good things, do them in secret. Don't let the world or anyone else know. Let nobody praise you for your actions. Let people curse you instead. By doing this, you can bring yourself closer to truth. You can do good to do good, not only when it gives no reward, but punishes you for doing so.
The best way to reach the essence of goodness is to reject rewards for your actions. The best way to reach the essence of goodness is to use your free will to reject evil while in its own domain. The best way to reach the essence of goodness is to pursue goodness even as the world hates you for it.
Of course, you'd have to be insane to say that the only way to be good is to be hated by everyone, and the above paragraphs are clearly romanticized. Choosing goodness despite adversity is something that can be done in reality, however. And it's one of the things most worth doing.
Moriya (Last Blade) is a samurai who trained with his best friend, Kaede. When his master is murdered, Kaede returns to find Moriya standing over his lifeless corpse. Realizing that he's been framed, Moriya leaves without a word, allowing his lifelong friend to think that he's a murderer. He dedicates the rest of his life to finding the real killer, and avoiding confrontation with Kaede. Rather than defend himself, he took the fall to avoid conflict, and was fully willing to let himself be seen as a monster.
Itachi (Naruto) is seen as a villain for most of the series. He killed his entire clan, and his brother, Sasuke - the sole survivor - has dedicated his life to taking revenge. There's a flashback sequence where it shows Itachi murdering his clan, and his family. He tells Sasuke to hate him before leaving. He then joins a criminal organization. It's hard to take it any other way. However, we find out later in the series that his father, the head of the clan, was planning a Coup D'etat, and it would have likely ended up in many casualties on both sides. Rather than risk an all out war, Itachi sided with his village rather his clan, and undertook a secret mission to wipe out the clan during the night, while they slept. He was unable to kill his brother, who he loved, so he asked him to hate him - partially because of guilt, and partially to help Sasuke deal with what he had done. The reason he joined the organization is to keep tabs on them. He never defends himself, and we discover that he went to extreme lengths to hide the truth from everyone. Most of the world sees him as a monster, and he is described by the author as living in "Hell."
Both characters eventually reconcile with their loved ones, but there's something about the way that they so willingly jump into darkness, without showing even a hint of a desire to defend themselves, that is much more noble than any story of heroism or valor. The truest hero doesn't do it for the reward, or for themselves, but to protect others or a higher cause. Being seen as a villain was a side effect of how these people chose to follow goodness. Even while in darkness, both characters upheld their virtue.
The Last Blade and Naruto are a video game and a comic book, respectively. Hardly high brow fiction. Yet, both of these characters represent something admirable that can be translated over into life. If you are going to do good things, do them in secret. Don't let the world or anyone else know. Let nobody praise you for your actions. Let people curse you instead. By doing this, you can bring yourself closer to truth. You can do good to do good, not only when it gives no reward, but punishes you for doing so.
The best way to reach the essence of goodness is to reject rewards for your actions. The best way to reach the essence of goodness is to use your free will to reject evil while in its own domain. The best way to reach the essence of goodness is to pursue goodness even as the world hates you for it.
Of course, you'd have to be insane to say that the only way to be good is to be hated by everyone, and the above paragraphs are clearly romanticized. Choosing goodness despite adversity is something that can be done in reality, however. And it's one of the things most worth doing.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Well, that was odd
I had something to say about art and expression, but I had this very vivid dream, so I'll write about dreams instead. Dreams are kind of a return experience for me - I was on medication for a good portion of my life that prevented me from dreaming. Recently, they've been very vivid, and I remember them clearly long after I wake up. This one didn't feel "real" - it still felt very "dreamy" - but I remember it as clearly as I would a movie.
I was in school ("School", we were all mid 20's men) and I was in a computer lab. I goofed off for about ten minutes, and then I pulled up Youtube and started listening to techno. Some fat guy sat next to me, and I realized I might be bothering him, so I said "Is this bothering you? I'll turn it off if it is." He sounded apologetic and said "Yeah, I really hate techno. Sorry, I used to watch this show." This made total sense, I said ok, and turned it off. Next thing I know we're on a field trip. Everyone is taking snow mobiles down a snowy mountain to get to where we need to go. I see some tall African guy who I apparently knew in the dream - I even knew his name, which I don't remember now, but it was like, Aheswala or something similar - who I was cool with. We weren't friends, but we knew each other and were nice acquaintances. Instead of the snow mobiles, he was sitting on a ferry that was going down a tropical river instead. I thought he looked relaxed, and sat next to him. As the boat went down the stream, I fell asleep.
When we got to our destination, the snow mobiles were just arriving. The ferryman demanded I pay him $10 for the ride, exclaiming that the snow mobiles were free and people take the boat for the scenery (WHICH I WAS ASLEEP FOR). I got angry and looked at the tall guy, who just shrugged, like I should have known. I pulled out my wallet and I only had ones and a twenty. I asked if I could get change for a twenty, and the ferryman looked really annoyed and said, "No, just give me the twenty." I said no, and spent forever looking for a ten dollar bill. Dream flashes forward again, we're all in some Chinese town with a snowy mountain overlooking it. It's the end of the world. Literally - Armageddon is about to happen, and everyone knows it, but accepts it like something normal. The only other things I vaguely remember are walking on a path on the mountain, a ski lift, and a huge battle that none of us (students) were taking part in. We were all totally safe while other people fought it, and everything felt fine.
Really weird dream.
I was in school ("School", we were all mid 20's men) and I was in a computer lab. I goofed off for about ten minutes, and then I pulled up Youtube and started listening to techno. Some fat guy sat next to me, and I realized I might be bothering him, so I said "Is this bothering you? I'll turn it off if it is." He sounded apologetic and said "Yeah, I really hate techno. Sorry, I used to watch this show." This made total sense, I said ok, and turned it off. Next thing I know we're on a field trip. Everyone is taking snow mobiles down a snowy mountain to get to where we need to go. I see some tall African guy who I apparently knew in the dream - I even knew his name, which I don't remember now, but it was like, Aheswala or something similar - who I was cool with. We weren't friends, but we knew each other and were nice acquaintances. Instead of the snow mobiles, he was sitting on a ferry that was going down a tropical river instead. I thought he looked relaxed, and sat next to him. As the boat went down the stream, I fell asleep.
When we got to our destination, the snow mobiles were just arriving. The ferryman demanded I pay him $10 for the ride, exclaiming that the snow mobiles were free and people take the boat for the scenery (WHICH I WAS ASLEEP FOR). I got angry and looked at the tall guy, who just shrugged, like I should have known. I pulled out my wallet and I only had ones and a twenty. I asked if I could get change for a twenty, and the ferryman looked really annoyed and said, "No, just give me the twenty." I said no, and spent forever looking for a ten dollar bill. Dream flashes forward again, we're all in some Chinese town with a snowy mountain overlooking it. It's the end of the world. Literally - Armageddon is about to happen, and everyone knows it, but accepts it like something normal. The only other things I vaguely remember are walking on a path on the mountain, a ski lift, and a huge battle that none of us (students) were taking part in. We were all totally safe while other people fought it, and everything felt fine.
Really weird dream.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Productivity, a rare find
I started writing a novel.
It feels good to write creatively. It really does.
We'll see if it can withstand the relentless assault of job applications and other life responsibilities.
It feels good to write creatively. It really does.
We'll see if it can withstand the relentless assault of job applications and other life responsibilities.
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