Shell and Soul

I've always found the difference in the way people treat you depending on your status and appearance to be one of the most jarring experiences life has to throw at you.

When you are a child, people treat you gently. People are willing to protect you. People will comfort you if you are sad, and many things that you do are considered cute or quirky. When you are a teenager, people expect you to have a certain level of autonomy, but overall, not much is expected of you. You're expected to screw up. You're expected to have fun. When you are a college student, people treat you very well. People tend to give college students a lot of leeway and freedom when it comes to how they act. I recall two instances - in college - where I screwed up big time and was instantly forgiven because of my status. I had just gotten my driver's license, and the GPS was acting up. It asked me to go left at the last second, almost right as I passed my exit, and I freaked out... and went left, crashing right into the side of another car. As the other driver got out of their car, they looked very angry. They saw me, and their anger subsided a bit. "I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed. They looked a bit confused. We talked about the crash for a bit. "So, where do you go to school?" She eventually asked me. The conversation ended on a good note and nobody had to pay for each other's damages.

Thanks for getting me out of that one, youth! That was totally avoidable and entirely my fault.

Second was when I was working at a gas station. This one was really weird. I was talking to my manager about my bad (read: lazy) performance. He was fuming. I told him I might have to quit soon anyway, to go back to school. Instantly, his face stopped contorting and he said, almost surprised, "oh, you go to school?" And he treated me nicely for the rest of the conversation.

I mean, I'll take it. But he had reason to be angry. I did not care at all about my job performance.

Later, I'd be at a doctor's appointment. I was still working a dead end job, but I was no longer in school. My knees were acting up - I guess I had to kneel a lot stocking shelves. He treated me like shit. He made snarky comments about how people in "my kind of occupation" frequently don't take care of their knees. He used a tone of voice that clearly indicated his judgement of my position in life. It was very unpleasant. Another less unpleasant but equally strange experience was when I went into a police station to file a report on stolen money (there's another story behind this). I was wearing my vest from work. Very first thing he asked me, "Are you here to represent *grocery store?*" What the heck? No. No, no I am not. Would he have asked that if I still looked like a teenager? Probably not!

When you're an adult, you become publicly tied to your occupation, whether you feel a connection to it or not. You're expected to be fully responsible. Things that are your fault are much less likely to be forgiven. Your grace period is over. If you show up late for work, you're going to hear about it. And let me tell you, transitioning from the golden throne of a student to the ordinary working adult is a rough transition. No more leeway. No more forgiveness. Of course, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Being treated certain ways at certain times in your life helps you grow. Having more expected of you as you become older helps you hold yourself to a higher standard.

What's bizarre is that, internally, you feel the same, no matter what your age or occupation is. What other people see is very different from what you feel. Other people's perception of "you" depends largely on the shell presented to them, completely ignorant of the soul inside. And I'll be damned if being treated well doesn't feel right, and being treated with apprehension and expectation doesn't feel foreign.

It takes a lot to realize that your external appearance isn't "you." My very best friends have defective shells. One has cerebral palsy. The other is albino, and legally blind. Another is confined to a wheelchair. These people are always willing to look at the soul before the shell. People who have had an external appearance that has disagreed with them from the beginning are actually at a huge advantage. They realize very early on that the soul and the shell are two separate things, and which one is more important.

Just some food for thought.